"I'll Automate It Next Sprint": A Linguistic History
An article about Shalva "Shako" Beridze · Filed under: Language, Load-Bearing · QA & Automation
Every field has its formulae. Sailors have a following wind. Lawyers have the statute book. Manual QA engineer Shalva “Shako” Beridze has I’ll automate it next sprint, a five-word construction he has deployed, by conservative estimate, in every planning meeting he has ever attended.1
Etymology
The phrase is believed to have entered Shako’s vocabulary fully formed. There is no record of a transitional period — no earlier draft such as I’ll automate it eventually, no experimental I’ll automate it this sprint. It arrived complete, like a fossil with no ancestors.
Grammatical analysis
Scholars of the Beridze corpus note that the sentence is technically future tense but functions entirely in the present, where its job is to end the current conversation.[citation needed] The word next is the load-bearing element. It cannot be replaced with an actual date without the whole structure collapsing.
Attempts by colleagues to pin the phrase down have produced a rich set of documented variants:
| Variant | Deployed when | Actual meaning |
|---|---|---|
| “I’ll automate it next sprint.” | Standard usage | No. |
| “It’s already half-automated.” | Under mild pressure | A folder exists. |
| “The framework’s basically there.” | Under real pressure | The folder has a README. |
| “That one’s actually better manual.” | Cornered | This one is true. |
The unbroken streak
Shako has used the phrase in every sprint retrospective of his career with one documented exception, in 2023, when he was at the dentist. He returned the following week and used it twice, which observers agree was an attempt to settle the account.2
He is aware of the joke. He is aware that everyone is aware of the joke. He has, on several occasions, opened a meeting with it himself before anyone else could — which is either disarming self-deprecation or the most sophisticated defensive manoeuvre in the department.
The regression suite, meanwhile, is still run by hand. Carefully. Thoroughly. By a man who is genuinely rather good at it.