Shalva "Shako" Beridze An Encyclopedia Of A Man

Sources Confirm Selenium Script Has Never Once Selen-ium'd

An article about Shalva "Shako" Beridze · Filed under: Ongoing, Technically · QA & Automation

Beridze at a desk of four monitors, one of them filled with a glowing "QA" graphic, a laptop open in front of him and code on every other screen.
Beridze at a desk of four monitors, one of them filled with a glowing "QA" graphic, a laptop open in front of him and code on every other screen.

There is a script on the laptop of Shalva “Shako” Beridze that has been described by everyone who has seen it as “definitely a Selenium script.” It imports the correct libraries. It opens the correct browser. It has, over its long and storied existence, never completed a single test.1

It has not failed. Failing would require it to reach an assertion.

What it does instead

The script’s observable behaviour is consistent and, in its way, almost beautiful. A browser window opens. The browser window looks around. The browser window closes. Somewhere in the terminal a warning appears about a deprecated method, and then nothing appears for a very long time.

Colleagues have taken to describing this cycle as “the tide.”[citation needed]

Shako Beridze has offered a number of explanations across the years, each internally consistent and none of them compatible with the others:

The overnight run

The script’s most celebrated outing came during an execution Shako left running “just to see.” It ran for eleven hours. It produced a log file of 340 megabytes. The log file contained the same line 1.2 million times, and that line was a warning about a deprecated method.2

He kept the log. He describes it as “data.”

Current status

The script remains in the repository — untouched, unrun, and, by the terms of its author’s own defence, “not broken, just waiting.”

Asked for a target date, Shako produced the two-word phrase that has structured his entire professional life, and which he delivers with the serenity of a man who has never once been held to it.

Footnotes

  1. Zero is a strong claim. The strongest available counter-evidence is a screenshot, and the screenshot is of a different script.

  2. The method has since been removed from the library entirely. The warning continues.

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